Author: betsyschow

I realize I have been somewhat absent from the blogosphere for about 6 months. That’s because I have been writing full time on a new Young Adult fiction series and touring–putting on races and doing book signings. After writing for 8 hours daily or being away from home for a week, I just didn’t choose to put any more time in at the computer. Or cleaning for that matter. And it showed.

The kitchen fell way at the bottom of the priorities, heck, the whole house fell to the bottom. I am a slob by nature. And I have a theory that no matter how large your house is, you accumulate 50% more crap than can actually fit in it. I have said many times that I struggle with an all or nothing personality. Sometimes I get so tunnel-visioned in what I’m doing, I lose sight of other things happening around me. Then – BAM– I look around and wonder how I could have let it get that bad. (weight also has a tendency to do this if I’m not careful)

A few years ago, I would have equated this failure of order with my own self worth. My little inner voice would say, “Can’t you even keep a clean house like any good wife. You are so lazy and worthless.” To be honest, there are days where I can still fall into that trap. But I know better, my worth is not determined by the size of my pants, the size of my house, or the beauty of either. That doesn’t mean I should have neglected it as long as I did, but I am still a work in progress too.

That being said, today was the day that I put it on the finishing list for the day. This was my top priority. Sometimes it’s easy to be overwhelmed, and the task at hand looks too large. In the case of the entire house looking like a tornado hit it (if you count my two kids and husband as cyclone), I chose a single space – the kitchen. Then I chose a single counter. I refused to look at the clutter on the table, or the children’s toys on the stairs. That was not my purpose, and if I succumbed to the temptation I would start picking up other things and the kitchen would still be only half finished by the end of the day. After a few hours, this was the result:

I have to say, I feel so much better. I know a fair amount of you are saying, “It’s a kitchen. Big whoop. My kitchen is always clean.”

Here’s the lesson: Each of us has our own challenges. For me, it has been and always will be maintaining order. Other people may have homes that could be photographed for Better Homes and Gardens on any given day. That same person may not be able to go out and run a mile, while I can do a half marathon on any weekend. Take joy in the things you accomplish, especially the ones that aren’t easy for you. Irregardless of how big or small the task, or whether someone else you know does it better. The Philosophy of Finishing is all about taking control and tackling the things in your life that matter to you. Not what matters to your mother in law, or Bob down the street.

So now I have a clean kitchen. The rest of the house is still a disaster, but room #2 is on my list for tomorrow. It is time to work on the next thing down today’s list– trying to cook my family dinner without burning the house down. Or without sending someone to the hospital after the meal is over.

When I saw this ad recently, I nearly hurled something at my laptop – a Nike running shoe no less. “Winning takes care of everything.” Bullcrap. It’s a stupid ad at best, at worst, it’s giving a horrible message to everyone that looks at it.

This is the sentiment I used to believe. I couldn’t win at anything. I was a loser. Therefore, things weren’t worth doing. Life wasn’t worth doing.

Well Mr Woods, you may be a champion golfer, but did that make you a better human being? Does that somehow make all the skankiness in your past okay? I have news for you — you are the same person inside whether you finished first or last.

Accomplishments and worth shouldn’t based on speed or score. It should be based on the finishing something that was hard! I know a man who can balance on one arm and put his legs over his head in a master yoga pose. It’s effortless for him. I have a yoga client that after a year, can do a downward facing dog. It’s work and it’s not perfect, but he does it anyway even though it’s hard. In my opinion, I think yoga man #2 has the greater accomplishment.

I strongly dislike the term winning. I tend to like to substitute it for finishing. While I won’t claim, “Finishing takes care of everything” – it does change an awful lot.

I believe every person who starts a race and crosses the finish is a winner. In fact I would give a special medal to the larger woman in the back that has to run three times as long to go the same distance. She’s the winner. She can do anything.

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. Just what every Former Fat Person dreads, yet another foodcentric holiday, which is popularized and marketed by the joint evilness of the food and diet industries.

Think it’s a coincidence that both Thanksgiving and Christmas, where nearly everyone gains 5-10 pounds, is right before New Year’s, when everyone that is a pants size up is now trying desperately to find a quick way to get it off? Or that there’s a choco-holiday immediately after most of us have given up New Year’s goals? I’m not much of a conspiracy theorist, but I’m just sayin’ it’s a wee bit suspicious.

All that aside, I have no problem with indulging in a bit of caramel centered yum, but they tend to come in a ginormous heart shaped box that would bust anyone’s calorie budget. I know that I have never had one of those boxes last more than 2 days, the shortest being 2 hours.

One of my goals right now, is to focus on the meaning behind all the holidays instead of the food we are supposed to be eating during them. In particular, a challenge for Vday is to show our love when my household is comprised of the wife who is watching the calories and a husband who is diabetic. We decided we are going with service centered expressions of the holidays. It also helped that right now my husband, Jarom, has been unemployed for a year and we don’t really have the money for gifts this Valentine’s day.

As far as I’m concerned, Jarom’s going on the Today Show with me and agreeing to be raked over the coals, has filled his Valentine’s quota for the next five years. But I still needed to do something that showed I cared. For me that meant doing something that would mean something to him, but is not on the top of my to do list. Namely, cleaning out the family car.

The inside of our Ford Explorer looks like the garage dumpster from the kids daycare. Wet goldfish crackers are squished into the seat crevices, dollar store toys litter the floor with various discarded bits of trash and clothing. I’m pretty sure that if I let my daughter keep what was in her lunch pail, she would win the science fair.

All the book stuff has been taking up all my time, and I’ve let the car get to the point that it feels like the only way to save the car is to trade it in, or light a match. But more importantly, the state of grossness drives my germaphobe hubby nuts. So, I donned the HAZMAT suit, grabbed a chisel, then went outside in the subfreezing temperatures to make my Valentine to my best friend. 2 hours later, the car is clean and I might have nightmares for weeks. But that is what love and the real meaning of Valentine’s day is. Giving that special someone something that truly costs you. Not the $30 bucks for gourmet chocolates, but costs you something emotionally, physically, or hygienically. LOL

I have to admit, now that it’s done, I feel I’ve given myself a bit of a gift as well. I have another finish to add to my list, one that’s been bugging me for a while now. And my finisher’s medal will be the expression on his face when Jarom realizes there isn’t a crunch when he steps in the car.

Consider this the introduction to the sequel of Finished being Fat.

One of things I hear most, when I am at signings or speaking to people about my book: “What does ‘Finished being Fat’ even mean? Just because you are skinnier now you can say that? That’s a pretty bold statement.”

Little known fact, the book was originally titled “Philosophy of Finishing” but that apparently lacked a certain wow factor, so the marketing higher ups sacrificed that title in favor of a zippier one. One of the suggestions was the title of my blog, you guessed it, Finished being Fat. The title for the blog came from my desire, not to whittle my waistline – I had done that already – but to stop being fat for good, in here (tapping my noggin, even though no one but me and the dog can see it).

I was fat. Huge. Ginormous. Not because of the number embroidered on the tag of my jeans, but because it consumed a large part of my thoughts and day. It very nearly destroyed my marriage. So much of my life revolved around gaining weight, losing weight, BMI, whether I was pretty enough, smaller than my husband’s secretary, or whether I would squish Santa if I sat on his lap. Yes, I was fat.

But so are many others. That size two gym bunny, staring at herself in the mirror and pinching her nonexistant saddlebag — fat. At least in her own head. Obesity is an epidemic, but so if this unquenchable drive to be better, thinner, than the woman standing next to us. Even if that woman is just me, looking back from the mirror.

This is a PSA for Body Dysmorphic Disorder. But this is also what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Sometimes even as I was losing weight. I couldn’t see past my own judgments for fear that someone else’s would be even worse.

And that, is what Finished being Fat is and means. That is why FbF is not a diet book, or a weight loss book. It’s my story, my quest to change the way I looked at my life and myself. How everything became different when I learned the Philosophy of Finishing, and could give that girl in the mirror a hug and say, “I love you at any size and you can be anything you want to be.”

Someday I might get these folds of skin taken off my belly. Or I might keep using them to tuck in loose change. Who knows, my metabolism might take a nosedive and I may very well once again find myself naked, in the bathroom, on the tile, ten pounds heavier than last month. (opening scene of FbF) But none of those things will invalidate my journey or my words. Because it’s a conscious choice I have to make, to see myself differently. To say I am finished being fat. At any size.

And most days, I succeed.

Live in Utah? Come and drop in on my launch party. I will be selling and signing books at the American Fork Library from 2-5 on January 12th. Low cal treats, five minute fitness breaks, yoga, craft, and giveaways too.

Make this book the first thing you finish in 2013

Today marks the starting line for my blog tour. My book release is only a week away. I am so excited  in a might-throw-up-at-any-moment kind of way.

To start off the tour, I did a podcast with The Cultural Hall. It was a lot of fun, and a little terrifying all in one. The great thing about books and magazines — you can edit. Interviews are live. Tough for someone with chronic running shoe in the mouth disease.

All that aside, you can download the special episode on Itunes or at The Cultural Hall.

Here’s the schedule if you want to follow along my blog tour. There will be giveaways, reviews, guestposts, and did I mention giveaways?