Finished being Fat blog

No Turning Back

Some people are born without fear. They can charge towards something without a second thought.

I am NOT one of those people.

Don’t get me wrong, I still finish whatever I start. But that doesn’t mean when I’m about to climb a mountain (real or metaphorical), I don’t stand at the bottom and get vertigo seeing how far away the top is.

If I want to get up that mountain, I’ll do a gut check and realize that the distance is really just an accumulation of steps. “I can do steps,” I’ll tell myself. “I can break it down and make it 300 ft to that rock.” After I get to that rock then I figure, “I can make it 500 ft to that tree.”

Before I know it, I’m half way. But I’m tired. More likely than not I have a few blisters and the path down is looking pretty good because I don’t want to take another step. Here’s a secret though…

Running away and quitting in the middle has just as many steps back down as going forward to the top. And there’s no way I hauled my butt up half a mountain just to pack in my trail mix. So as long as I can keep moving, it’s going to be up.

One of the keys to fighting fear is making a commitment that there’s no turning back. Because as long as I see heading back down as an option, I’ll keep nervously looking over my shoulder at the possible way out. Once I choose to take away that option, something miraculous happens: peace. Peace and determination that all I have to do or think about is taking those steps forward.

Whether its easy, hard, slow or fast — doesn’t matter. Just get there and enjoy the view from the top. It’s much better than the one from the bottom.

Making goals that stick – any day of the year

Happy day after new year! I felt the need to make a resolution post on any day BUT New Years. There is a point to that, besides non conformity. You see, you can make goals and changes in your life at any given time, not some arbitrary day. No excuses of “Oh, I missed it. Maybe next year.” BZZZZ. Wrong. Start today. Start next week or month. Just start and know that you can finish. And I’m gonna help. Starting Line

So Step One of making a successful goal resolution etc . . . Create ACTION SPECIFIC GOALS. Word what you want to do as opposed to what you want to happen.

Example of what not to do. “I’m going to lose 50 lbs this year.”

That is a result. And it’s outside of your control. Your body may not be able to drop that weight due to medical conditions of other factors out of your control. So if you only lose 30 are you a failure?

Try this instead. Same idea, just stating what you’ll DO.

“I’m going to be healthier this year by exercising daily and controlling my portions.” (eating more veggies, counting calories– whatever you want to alter in your eating habits. Eat less move more concept.)

The above is a goal you can take a day at a time and succeed every single time. You control what you do, the actions you take. Weight loss might be a happy bi-product of these actions, but your success of a goal doesn’t hinge on something you can’t control.

Some people might say, “Well, aren’t those two goals the same thing?”

Kind of, but the approach and how you look at it are different. Some of the best things in life were already there, but all we need is a little shift in perception to see it.

Upside Down Boy

Before I became a finisher, I would make lofty goals and some cockamamy plan to get there. “I’m going to be a size 2 by summer.” Or “Get my dream job.” I’d bust my hump for a month or two, but the results that I thought I should have, the ones I’d set in my goals weren’t happening for me. So I gave up, gained back the 30 pounds and stopped trying to writing a book. Then I spent the rest of the year feeling like a loser that couldn’t do anything.

Now I lament those years I wasted. I made my expectations and goals based on things outside my control. They were dependent on luck, someone else’s whims and biology. Instead of wallowing in the shame spiral or blaming my failures on the things outside my influence, I needed to shift my goals on the changes I could make.

Everyone has dreams. Things they want to happen. Those are good and we should work towards those things in the GOALS we make. Some day I want to have a best selling smash hit novel. So that’s my want. Now I’m going to make goals to help me get there. I can’t have great book that everyone loves if I don’t write a book that I love. So this year I’m going to write the best possible book that I can. One that I love. That’s a goal I can absolutely finish if I put the time, effort, and love into. What happens after THE END is out of my control. But I will have successfully completed my goal for the year that gets me closer to my want. My DREAM.

So when you are ready, figure out what you WANT in life. It’s not set in stone, it can change. Then figure out some of the actions you need to take to get there. GOALS completely within your control. Then make that promise to yourself, and do what you set out in that goal.

I may get my dream this year, or next, or a decade from now. But that isn’t the point. As long as I keep walking forward, doing the best that I can, I keep piling these successes up.

I keep becoming a better and happier person.

And THAT dear friends, is the entire point in this marathon we call life, isn’t it?

When life gives you snow, make a snow caterpillar

I hate the snow. A lot.

However, when my daughter woke up to discover snow, she was bound and determined to make a snowman. She’s 4. And after watching FROZEN, she pretty much decided that all snowmen could talk. So she was devastated when she figured out that not only did she not have ice magic, but that the snow was too dry and powdery to roll into snowman balls.

She cried. I nearly cried because she would not go inside without her snowman, therefore I could not go in either.

Enter the snow caterpillar. She was pretty skeptical at first, but after some bumps and a few fishy crackers, a new friend was born.

He has since turned into an ice dragon, which everyone knows is so much cooler than a snow caterpillar or a snowman.

I’m going to keep the lesson of the snowcatepillar in mind as I make my goals for 2014. I may have a vision for what I’d like to happen. Unfortunately, life NEVER works out the way I predict. But if I can be flexible and keep working with what I’ve got, I will end up with something even cooler.

As much as I wanted to go inside after the first snow failure, I’m glad my daughter and I stuck it out in the 12 degree weather. Disappointment transformed into frozen delight and failure into success.

I hate the cold. And the snow. But I hate giving up even more.

The Origin of Happiness

When I say “Happiness”, what does that invoke in your mind?

Is it this?

or this?

A few years ago my vision of happiness was a combo of those. I could be happy … when I was a size two. Things would be easier … when we were making more money.

I thought I conquered my demons with the lessons I learned in my book, Finished being Fat. I was wrong.

While I no longer obsessed about my waistline or my own self value, I began to obsess about how others valued me. What I used to share out of interest became a job where my success was determined by someone else. The amount of views received, the likes on a page. How many books I sold that month. If my post on Facebook didn’t receive a certain amount of comments or thumbs up, then something must be wrong with me. I began to hate logging on or sharing, because I dreaded not receiving the validation I thought I was supposed to have. Eventually, all my interactions and dealings seemed to be for a specific purpose as opposed to real enjoyment and friendship.

I felt very lonely and depressed. All my dreams had come true: I was fit, a published author — what was I doing wrong? Everything and nothing.

As I have learned from my previous journey, a lot of things can be changed with a simple shift in perception. I needed to look at things differently.

Here’s how it happened. I was lying in bed eating coconut pancakes (so good, I will post the butter substituted recipe later) with my kids. I had the distinct thought “Life just doesn’t get any better”. In that moment, I was truly happy. It didn’t take long for my neurotic tendencies to seep in and I began to worry about something or other and the warm fuzzies died and sunk into my gut along with the carbs.

The lightbulb went on in my noggin.

Nothing had changed. A house hadn’t fallen on my sister. No outside force had changed my feelings, my own thoughts had. The origin of happiness (or unhappiness) was my own mind. Even though I no longer had the model picture taped to my mental fridge, I had subconsciously pinned expectations of what happiness looked like and it depended a lot on how I reflected through other people’s eyes as opposed to my own. Suddenly, I wasn’t unhappy because I wanted to look a certain way and didn’t. I was unhappy because I was afraid everyone else wanted me to look a certain way. That I was a disappointment and didn’t meet another’s expectations of what I should be- despite doing my best and meeting my goals.

Then the superwattage grow lights illuminated my brain fog — I was being stupid. Again. Without meaning to, I gave over control of my life’s steering wheel. I let results determine my success as opposed to the completion of the acts themselves.

I needed an amendment on happiness to go along with the Philosophy of Finishing. After a lot of soul searching, here’s what I came up with.

Happiness is not a destination, it is in each footstep I make along the journey. It cannot be found or taken away in the things I have or that happen to me. Only I have the power to build or destroy it within myself.

So here’s my little bit of fortune cookie wisdom.

Sing because you enjoy it, not because you want to be the next American Idol.
Write because you have something to say, not because you need people to hear it.
Give because you want to share, not because you want to be thanked for it.
Be fitter so you feel healthier, not because someone says you should look a certain way. (even you)

If you do that, you will find happiness in your actions, whether or not you cut a record, become a best-seller, or get the smokin’ hot bod you envisioned.

Positive results or accolades are always welcome and a bonus, but I think if I set my focus on enjoying the act itself, I can find joy no matter where I am or who sees it.

Taking joy in the small stuff

I realize I have been somewhat absent from the blogosphere for about 6 months. That’s because I have been writing full time on a new Young Adult fiction series and touring–putting on races and doing book signings. After writing for 8 hours daily or being away from home for a week, I just didn’t choose to put any more time in at the computer. Or cleaning for that matter. And it showed.

The kitchen fell way at the bottom of the priorities, heck, the whole house fell to the bottom. I am a slob by nature. And I have a theory that no matter how large your house is, you accumulate 50% more crap than can actually fit in it. I have said many times that I struggle with an all or nothing personality. Sometimes I get so tunnel-visioned in what I’m doing, I lose sight of other things happening around me. Then – BAM– I look around and wonder how I could have let it get that bad. (weight also has a tendency to do this if I’m not careful)

A few years ago, I would have equated this failure of order with my own self worth. My little inner voice would say, “Can’t you even keep a clean house like any good wife. You are so lazy and worthless.” To be honest, there are days where I can still fall into that trap. But I know better, my worth is not determined by the size of my pants, the size of my house, or the beauty of either. That doesn’t mean I should have neglected it as long as I did, but I am still a work in progress too.

That being said, today was the day that I put it on the finishing list for the day. This was my top priority. Sometimes it’s easy to be overwhelmed, and the task at hand looks too large. In the case of the entire house looking like a tornado hit it (if you count my two kids and husband as cyclone), I chose a single space – the kitchen. Then I chose a single counter. I refused to look at the clutter on the table, or the children’s toys on the stairs. That was not my purpose, and if I succumbed to the temptation I would start picking up other things and the kitchen would still be only half finished by the end of the day. After a few hours, this was the result:

I have to say, I feel so much better. I know a fair amount of you are saying, “It’s a kitchen. Big whoop. My kitchen is always clean.”

Here’s the lesson: Each of us has our own challenges. For me, it has been and always will be maintaining order. Other people may have homes that could be photographed for Better Homes and Gardens on any given day. That same person may not be able to go out and run a mile, while I can do a half marathon on any weekend. Take joy in the things you accomplish, especially the ones that aren’t easy for you. Irregardless of how big or small the task, or whether someone else you know does it better. The Philosophy of Finishing is all about taking control and tackling the things in your life that matter to you. Not what matters to your mother in law, or Bob down the street.

So now I have a clean kitchen. The rest of the house is still a disaster, but room #2 is on my list for tomorrow. It is time to work on the next thing down today’s list– trying to cook my family dinner without burning the house down. Or without sending someone to the hospital after the meal is over.

Young Chefs Review

A few weeks ago Christina Dymock asked me if I would participate in her blog tour and post a review of her book, Young Chefs: Cooking skills and recipes for kids. I jumped on the opportunity because, as I have bemoaned often, I have the kitchen skills of a fifth grader.

These lack of skills led me to a life long love/hate thing with fast food and processed crap. I’m trying to overcome it now, but it’s really hard. I wish that I had learned more when I was younger and could then fend for myself instead of relying on Colonel Sanders to give me Fried Chicken.

Not only is learning to cook an excellent way to control what and how much you eat, but it’s a good way to gain more confidence in yourself and finishing things. Having my girls eat something that I made (without gagging) gives me that rush of accomplishment that finishing is all about.

So now the process begins, me working on something from my finishing list – Learn to Cook without burning the house down. And also teaching my girls, so they can have a healthier relationship to food than I did.

I was given a hard cover copy in exchange for an honest review.

So let’s start with the cover and formatting:

Young Chefs By: Christina Dymock

Very attractive. The book is laid out in easy to understand sections of terms, skills and recipes. The recipes are divided into food times (breakfast, snack, etc.) and then have little labels on whether or not adult help is needed, and a toolbox icon indicating the skills and utensils needed. I really appreciated the way that worked. It’s very easy to see at a glance whether this recipe will end with me or my children setting the kitchen on fire or losing an appendage.

Content:

The glossary is great and informative. My problem comes in the “Skills” section. There are a few basic ones, like measuring solids, liquids. Taking a pan out of the oven. Cracking an egg. These skills are taught with easy to understand instructions and pictures. But I just don’t feel that there enough of them. Six, if you don’t include the knife how-to which doesn’t have pictures and basically says keep your fingers out of the way and have an adult present. I would have like to have seen a photo showing the cat’s paw curled under fingers. Then after going through the recipes (all of which look nummy and fun) I think a few more skills might have been nice to help prepare a new elementary chef or their newbie mommy.

But the lack in skills is made up for in the recipe section with plenty of good-looking easy to follow recipes even my 6 year old and I could manage. (I recommend the Cherry Chocolate Cheesecake Bars on page 106)

Overall Review:

This is a good book for young elementary age children who are just venturing into the kitchen. Good for moms just venturing into the kitchen too. The back of the book says “Kids in the kitchen don’t have to make a mess — as long as they know what they are doing”. That’s just not true for me and my daughter, we still made a mess. But I like to think of the mess as being in direct proportion to the fun we had together. The book itself is well written and expertly laid out to be convenient and eye catching. Don’t expect your child or you to be able to be the Next Food Network Star after reading this, but do expect some family bonding time followed by the boost of a little kids self sufficiency that they can make breakfast for themselves.

4 out of 5 stars.

Nike, Tigers, and Idiots – Oh my!

When I saw this ad recently, I nearly hurled something at my laptop – a Nike running shoe no less. “Winning takes care of everything.” Bullcrap. It’s a stupid ad at best, at worst, it’s giving a horrible message to everyone that looks at it.

This is the sentiment I used to believe. I couldn’t win at anything. I was a loser. Therefore, things weren’t worth doing. Life wasn’t worth doing.

Well Mr Woods, you may be a champion golfer, but did that make you a better human being? Does that somehow make all the skankiness in your past okay? I have news for you — you are the same person inside whether you finished first or last.

Accomplishments and worth shouldn’t based on speed or score. It should be based on the finishing something that was hard! I know a man who can balance on one arm and put his legs over his head in a master yoga pose. It’s effortless for him. I have a yoga client that after a year, can do a downward facing dog. It’s work and it’s not perfect, but he does it anyway even though it’s hard. In my opinion, I think yoga man #2 has the greater accomplishment.

I strongly dislike the term winning. I tend to like to substitute it for finishing. While I won’t claim, “Finishing takes care of everything” – it does change an awful lot.

I believe every person who starts a race and crosses the finish is a winner. In fact I would give a special medal to the larger woman in the back that has to run three times as long to go the same distance. She’s the winner. She can do anything.

Making Valentine’s Day Sweet … Without the Sweets

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. Just what every Former Fat Person dreads, yet another foodcentric holiday, which is popularized and marketed by the joint evilness of the food and diet industries.

Think it’s a coincidence that both Thanksgiving and Christmas, where nearly everyone gains 5-10 pounds, is right before New Year’s, when everyone that is a pants size up is now trying desperately to find a quick way to get it off? Or that there’s a choco-holiday immediately after most of us have given up New Year’s goals? I’m not much of a conspiracy theorist, but I’m just sayin’ it’s a wee bit suspicious.

All that aside, I have no problem with indulging in a bit of caramel centered yum, but they tend to come in a ginormous heart shaped box that would bust anyone’s calorie budget. I know that I have never had one of those boxes last more than 2 days, the shortest being 2 hours.

One of my goals right now, is to focus on the meaning behind all the holidays instead of the food we are supposed to be eating during them. In particular, a challenge for Vday is to show our love when my household is comprised of the wife who is watching the calories and a husband who is diabetic. We decided we are going with service centered expressions of the holidays. It also helped that right now my husband, Jarom, has been unemployed for a year and we don’t really have the money for gifts this Valentine’s day.

As far as I’m concerned, Jarom’s going on the Today Show with me and agreeing to be raked over the coals, has filled his Valentine’s quota for the next five years. But I still needed to do something that showed I cared. For me that meant doing something that would mean something to him, but is not on the top of my to do list. Namely, cleaning out the family car.

The inside of our Ford Explorer looks like the garage dumpster from the kids daycare. Wet goldfish crackers are squished into the seat crevices, dollar store toys litter the floor with various discarded bits of trash and clothing. I’m pretty sure that if I let my daughter keep what was in her lunch pail, she would win the science fair.

All the book stuff has been taking up all my time, and I’ve let the car get to the point that it feels like the only way to save the car is to trade it in, or light a match. But more importantly, the state of grossness drives my germaphobe hubby nuts. So, I donned the HAZMAT suit, grabbed a chisel, then went outside in the subfreezing temperatures to make my Valentine to my best friend. 2 hours later, the car is clean and I might have nightmares for weeks. But that is what love and the real meaning of Valentine’s day is. Giving that special someone something that truly costs you. Not the $30 bucks for gourmet chocolates, but costs you something emotionally, physically, or hygienically. LOL

I have to admit, now that it’s done, I feel I’ve given myself a bit of a gift as well. I have another finish to add to my list, one that’s been bugging me for a while now. And my finisher’s medal will be the expression on his face when Jarom realizes there isn’t a crunch when he steps in the car.

Fathead

Consider this the introduction to the sequel of Finished being Fat.

One of things I hear most, when I am at signings or speaking to people about my book: “What does ‘Finished being Fat’ even mean? Just because you are skinnier now you can say that? That’s a pretty bold statement.”

Little known fact, the book was originally titled “Philosophy of Finishing” but that apparently lacked a certain wow factor, so the marketing higher ups sacrificed that title in favor of a zippier one. One of the suggestions was the title of my blog, you guessed it, Finished being Fat. The title for the blog came from my desire, not to whittle my waistline – I had done that already – but to stop being fat for good, in here (tapping my noggin, even though no one but me and the dog can see it).

I was fat. Huge. Ginormous. Not because of the number embroidered on the tag of my jeans, but because it consumed a large part of my thoughts and day. It very nearly destroyed my marriage. So much of my life revolved around gaining weight, losing weight, BMI, whether I was pretty enough, smaller than my husband’s secretary, or whether I would squish Santa if I sat on his lap. Yes, I was fat.

But so are many others. That size two gym bunny, staring at herself in the mirror and pinching her nonexistant saddlebag — fat. At least in her own head. Obesity is an epidemic, but so if this unquenchable drive to be better, thinner, than the woman standing next to us. Even if that woman is just me, looking back from the mirror.

This is a PSA for Body Dysmorphic Disorder. But this is also what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Sometimes even as I was losing weight. I couldn’t see past my own judgments for fear that someone else’s would be even worse.

And that, is what Finished being Fat is and means. That is why FbF is not a diet book, or a weight loss book. It’s my story, my quest to change the way I looked at my life and myself. How everything became different when I learned the Philosophy of Finishing, and could give that girl in the mirror a hug and say, “I love you at any size and you can be anything you want to be.”

Someday I might get these folds of skin taken off my belly. Or I might keep using them to tuck in loose change. Who knows, my metabolism might take a nosedive and I may very well once again find myself naked, in the bathroom, on the tile, ten pounds heavier than last month. (opening scene of FbF) But none of those things will invalidate my journey or my words. Because it’s a conscious choice I have to make, to see myself differently. To say I am finished being fat. At any size.

And most days, I succeed.

Launch party!!

Live in Utah? Come and drop in on my launch party. I will be selling and signing books at the American Fork Library from 2-5 on January 12th. Low cal treats, five minute fitness breaks, yoga, craft, and giveaways too.

Make this book the first thing you finish in 2013