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I Want It All, and I Want It Now

Queen was right on the money with that song, “I want it all”.

Everything about our lives is all about instant gratification. About the destination rather than the journey. We all want to be rich, to be thin, to be accomplished. We want it all, and we want it now. Don’t worry, I count myself within the royal “we”.

I’m getting ready for my run, it’s an 11 miler. The way a marathon training program generally works is that you start out small with your miles. 4 runs a week : 2 shorts, 1 medium, and 1 long. Then every week you up the mileage about 10 percent or so. So you can imagine that going from 5 mile runs up to 20 mile runs, takes about 4 months or so.

So I find myself frustrated. I’ve already run a marathon. Why am I stuck back here again, doing training runs working up to the big cheese? Can’t I just run 20 milers for my long runs every week and be done with it? I would enjoy adding the calories burnt to my budget I’m sure. But what I wouldn’t enjoy is the injury to my legs. My body needs to work up to the longer, more taxing runs. If I try to do too much too soon, well just read about the eager beaver from last time.

Guess what? This applies to everything, weight loss especially. You want to be skinny, beach ready by summer. Let’s see, do some math… that’s maybe 10 lbs a month right? (Random numbers for you. It will vary) That’s doable, that’s setting a goal and making a plan. Wrong. I guarantee tears if you give yourself a required pound amount per month. Don’t limit your success to an arbitrary timeline. Go ahead and make a budget that will help you maximize your weight loss. But relish each pound as it melts away instead of focusing on how many more are to go.

Would you be disappointed if summer came and you’d only lost 20 of your unwanted 30 pounds? You shouldn’t. It’s a process and if you’re doing all the right things and sticking to your budget, then it will come off when its ready to. Each body is different and yours might want to hang onto those last few pounds for a really long goodbye. Let it. Don’t beat yourself up. Your efforts have already made you a success and probably a much healthier person too.

So whatever you’re doing: running, losing weight, writing, school, whatever — don’t rush over the little dips to get to the end. Celebrate each chapter, mile, and pound. Every one is an accomplishment and every one is essential to the pathway of your goal. Enjoy the ride.

Eager Beaver Complex

I will be the first one to stand up and tell you that my personality has some flaws. A glaring one in particular is what I call “The Eager Beaver Complex”. My husband thinks that may be putting it a little too nicely.

An Eager Beaver is a go getter, a man or woman of action. This can be a good thing. It means you take initiative, get things accomplished. It can also be a bad thing when done to the extreme. Like when it’s 2:00 am and I am in bed wondering where I left my phone. Most of the time I am physically unable to sleep unless I find it right then. I can not wait until morning.

In the same vein, when I start something, I go full throttle. When I am given a task, I want to give everything I have right then and there. What usually happens is I run out of gas within the week. Before my transformation this meant I would give up in frustration and move the project into my unfinished business of failures box.

A good example of this would be my running. When I started last year, I would almost sprint full speed for the first lap around the park. If I even made it to the end of my run, I was slogging around the final turn. I was o excited to go and get something accomplished that I put all my effort and energy into the start. As was evidenced in my, that kind of behavior is unsustainable. In my running I had to learn to pace myself.

In my eating I had to do the same thing. If I was losing weight on 1500 calories a day, then 1000 calories a day would make me lose even more! That worked really well until I had no energy to hit the gym and kept pulling muscles because my body didn’t have enough fuel to operate. So I had to find a balance.

Still working on that in my regular day to day life. Finding a moderation. I want to finish the task I’m given and do the best I can. However, I have to pace myself or I will burn out before I have the chance to succeed. Part of the Eager Beaverness is an associated tunnel vision and obsession. Nothing in my life matters except this one thing. My family calls it an obssesive trait. I call it focus. Tomato/ tomahto. But they’re right that when you have tunnel vision, you can’t see the truck about to side swipe ya.

There are times to run and times to walk. Sometimes it’s a steady jog. The wisdom is listening to you body and your spirit and finding your inner balance. It won’t do me any good to run the fastest five miles of my life if I peter out before I hit the finish line. Or worse, I’m looking at my feet so I miss a turn and run off course.

Pricklepants

What’s a Pricklepants?

This is. Or more accurately This is our new pet Princess Caleb Pricklepants. (Long story short. Since I am not having any more kids, I promised Caleb Warnock I would name my next pet after him in undying gratitude for his mentorship)

This is also a Pricklepants. Namely me.

This week I have been overwhelmed with all the new changes in life both good and bad. Husband losing job… bad. Getting contract signed…good. Being denied health care…bad. List goes on.

Needless to say my emotions were worse the California Screamin’ at Disneyland. Up, down and sideways. Every time somebody said anything to me the least bit negative, my quills went up. I went in to full defensive pricklepants mode. I was finding offense in the dumbest things. So and so didn’t like or comment on my facebook post. This person didn’t want to sit with me.

The more things added up the more my emotions got out of control. I tried to bottle them in, but there is a reason that teakettles have release valves. Last night my teapot boileth over. I was in the writing critique group and it wasn’t going well. My grammar sucked, my dialogue tags sucked. My scene had no point. It was too much and I lost it.

Had I been smart, I would have released the steam earlier… in private. But as usual I was being stubborn “Big girls don’t cry” and all that. So instead of releasing steam, I dumped out the whole scalding pot. Afterwards I found myself empty and vulnerable- all my quill defense removed. Would anyone still like me? Would they think I was a crybaby, or a drama queen? Maybe I was that really annoying friend that everyone tolerates.

So I spent last night and today in misery. Until I picked up my new friend Princess Pricklepants. He (yes he’s a boy, but my daughter insists he’s still a princess) is prickly, yes, but he is also snuggly and just cute. I think he is well on his way to becoming a treasured and much loved member of the family. Despite all his pokeys.

It made me think and hope. Maybe my friends and family find ways to love me and find me a valued member of their lives, despite my prickliness.

Finish! It’ll change your life

Welcome to the official website of Betsy Schow, author of Finished being Fat: An accidental adventure in losing weight and learning to finish.

After many years of being fat and miserable, with a few years of being average and less miserable mixed in, I finally had a lightbulb moment. The reason I was unhappy was not just the extra 75 pounds around my middle. It was the weight of all the things unfinished that hung around my neck.

I was always having grand ideas. I’d get excited about this diet, or that workout routine. Or starting a new hobby or project. Even trying to write a book. Problem was, within a few weeks the excitement would fade and that little voice would kick in. You know the one I’m talking about. “You’re no good at this. You’ll never keep the weight off. Why are you even bothering.” That little voice had kept me from finishing… anything. And every time I quit, my wall of failures would get a little higher — making success that much harder to see.

My adventure started when I decided I was finished being fat, but it snowballed into year of changing my life and accomplishing seemingly impossible dreams. Join me while I discover that “Not everyone can win the race, but everyone can finish.”

And everything is worth finishing

before after

Cedar Fort Says YES!! to the Philosophy of Finishing

I have been checking my email every five minutes waiting to hear from an insurance broker to get health insurance now that we are unemployed. I saw an email that I didn’t know. I opened it assuming it was yet another agent rejection. I hadn’t been expecting a letter from the publishers because their sites all state it takes 4 months to hear back.

I opened the email with the care of a bomb squad officer, finger poised on the delete button. The word Congratulations jumped out at me. What the…

Cedar Fort Inc. wants to publish my book. There was only one thing to do at a time like this… cry.

I started crying and held my phone out to my mother in the chair next to me. She let out a whoop of excitement. I was still crying by the time Jarom got there 15 minutes later. His face clearly said “Now what?” After I stammered out that he was married to a soon to be published author, he squeezed my guts tighter than any corset ever could.

Four months ago today, I decided to write a book. It seems like the journey has been a rollercoaster that went on forever, but in reality I think that it’s been really fast. Talking to some new author friends of mine, I understand it can take up to a year or more before your writing sees the light of day.

I am so lucky. I couldn’t have done it without lots and lots of help. My husband is my rock and my earplugs that help me tune out the world. When everyone else was telling me how unlikely it was that I would get published, Jarom stood by me and kept the voices at bay.

I also know that I probably had some divine intervention. Or at the very least a guardian angel sitting on the acquisition editor’s shoulder.

A year and a half ago I was contemplating whether or not someone could die from self loathing. And if so, was that considered suicide? I stopped trying to do anything because in my heart I felt I wasn’t good enough. If I wasn’t as good as so and so, well then I was a failure. Better to just give up.

Today I am going to be a published author. The change didn’t come from losing weight, though it is nice not to be fat anymore. It came from learning the simple truth that I needed to stop quitting on everything in my life…including myself. Becoming a finisher has changed my life or maybe gave me a better one. That’s why I wrote this book. Not because I wanted to be rich and famous. (Because I have no delusions about that, especially after I realized only major authors get advances. The rest of us get royalties, so I would need to sell a bagillion books to make any money)

I really believe in the Koolaid I’m drinking. I want to help others overcome the failures of their past and realize that to be successful, you only have to finish what you start. With each new accomplishment the past starts to fade away and you realize, “Yes I can!” Because you have proof piling up with each new thing you finish that you can show that little negative voice in the back of your head. I don’t have to be the better than everyone else to be successful in life. That’s where the Philosophy of Finishing came from, when I realized that not everyone can win the race, but everyone can finish it.

So long post I know. But I just had to share my “testimony” so to speak. I know there is lots of hard work ahead. I’m supposed to come up with my own marketing plan to sell this book. ugh. Unfamiliar territory again. But with the help of new friends and lots of Google searches, I’ll figure it out. Here’s to the continuing Journey.

Mental Hurdles

I am a runner. However, this does not at all mean that I actually enjoy running. The truth is I dread anything over 3 miles. Considering I am now a marathon runner, and training for the next one, that would mean I don’t look forward to around 75% of my runs.
Most people hate Modays. I love ’em. Sunday and Monday are my days of rest AKA no running. The day that makes me cringe is Saturday — the day of the week I have my long runs. According to the training, every Saturday you have your highest mileage run, and each week it gets progressively longer. Today was 9 miles.
I woke up this morning and immediately felt that trepidation I associate with knowing something is ahead that really sucks. I’ll be honest, I did not want to do it. I did not want to run today because I knew it would be long and I knew I wasn’t going to like it. So I put it off, doing my other chores first.
I swam with the kids. I fixed the pond in the backyard. I hooked up the new entertainment system for my parents. I wrote a new chapter for the Fat Pack Mysteries. But the whole time I was looking at the clock and my sense of dread grew. It was like hearing that Jaws theme music getting closer and closer.
Their was never a doubt in my mind that I was going to in fact run the 9 miles sometime today. The training schedule I made says that I had to, so I would. With all that I had learned over the last year, one of the key things was following through on what I say I’m going to do. Finish what I start, no quitting. No backing out.
So yes, I knew I would finish my run today, but I was being dragged there kicking and screaming. It finally got late enough that I realized if didn’t want to run at night with a headlamp, I had better get my butt in gear. During the run my brain did what it usually does, overthinks things and assigns meaning to what I have been struggling with.
I realized I was a long distance runner, not a hurdle jumper. Yet that was what I was doing to myself. I had been creating an unnecessary hurdle in my path that I needed to get over in order to complete my run. I needed to and would finish those 9 miles today no matter what. So did my complaining and dread make getting that job done any easier? No. It made it that much harder to get my little running tights out the door.
The more I thought about it the more I realized that I made hurdles in alot of aspects of my life. I’m a finisher now, so I never quit. But that doesn’t mean I don’t moan and murmur and begrudge all the effort. Which is stupid and counter productive. If I’m going to do something anyway, wouldn’t you think I would want to make it as easy as possible?
I finished the 9 miles today with relative ease, but it still wasn’t particularly fun. But the feeling I got after my– way too high tech for me –watch beeped, signaling the end of the workout, reminded me why I do it in the first place. To feel that finisher’s high. That sense of accomplishment that I get after doing something hard. That is the sledgehammer that helps me slam through the other hurdles in my life. I can look back on hard things I’ve done and then look forward to obstacles in front of me and say “You’re nothing. See what I did?”
Today helped me see that life, by it’s very nature, puts up way too many hurdles in front of me. I really don’t need to be adding any more of my own. So hopefully next Saturday I will wake up and knock the 10 mile run out of the way. Then I can get to the good part of feeling great afterward.

Rejection sucks

Today has been bar none one of the worst days of my life. Over the last two weeks I have sent out my manuscript and been waiting to hear from the publishing companies. In the meantime the agent rejection letters keep coming 2-3 every few days. Most are form “Dear Author” emails. Some are personalized and say something like this: While your writing is entertaining and nice, I think I would have a hard time selling your book. Basically, while you have some great accomplishments, you’re nobody. Call us when you’re famous.

I got through those thinking number one that they are right. They only make money by selling my book to a big publishing house and I am nobody special. But that’s what is so awesome about my book. I am nobody special. If I can turn from a life of quitting and couch potato-ness to a finishing marathon machine, well anyone can. But still I get their point, but it hurts anyway.
Secondly, I kept the little fire of hope burning that the Liv Blumer agent would get back to me and tell me they loved the first 50 pages and wanted the rest. I did research on the agency and they are one of the good ones. They only take a very ecclectic list of projects. I just needed one yes through the nos right?

Well today I got the Self Addressed Stamped Envelope that I included with the first 50 pages. My heart sank though the concrete to the center of the earth. Inside the envelope was a little notecard saying “Dear Sir or Madame” Really? Not even a personalized no? After I spent $5 to Priority mail those pages. Had they even read them?

I called my husband to get a phone hug.
“I’m super sad, I need some love.”
“Probably not as much as me” he replied.
“What you lose your job or something?” I joked.
“Yep.”

My stomach joined my heart under the concrete.

Part of my book is pushing on when your get that figurative thud of your life hitting bottom. It’s time to test that again it seems. I sure hope the Lord knows what he’s doing. I know he’ll look out for us. We will survive. We will persevere. This could be an opportunity. Maybe he will get a better job. Maybe I will put the book on Kindle myself. Either way I know we’ll make it. Doesn’t mean I can’t take a day to wallow though

Agent Queries

So after sending out about 30 emails to various literary agents, I have one rejection and one request for the first 50 pages.

The rejection was pretty comical. It was like we don’t want you, but hey, there are plenty of fish in the sea right? Keep trying.

The request for the first 50 pages was really exciting. It was from the Liv Blumer agency. She found my letter intriguing and wanted to know more. So I printed off the 50 pages and am off to the Post office. Then it will be another waiting game. Has it really only been less than a month since I wrote the book? It feels like a year,

This week I am also going to mail the full manuscripts to Cedar Fort, Deseret Book, and Covenant. But there is this whole process and author questionnaire thing that I have to include. not to mention the annotated table of contents. I thought the hard part was writing a good book. Seems like that was only the beginning.

Editing a chapter at a time

So Caleb is doen editing my book…and he loves it. Hallelujah! He only had a few minor fixes and pointed out that my use of commas “sucks”. But aside from that he gives it two thumbs up!

So now what? My next assignment was to write a query letter to submit to agents. He thinks I should have an agent. SQEE! (yes that’s the literal sound I just made. I think he may be smoking crack, but still it’s a nice compliment.

I tried really, really hard to write a nice professional query letter. But Caleb poo-pooed on everything I gave him. So he gave up and wrote on for me, mining from my first chapter to come up with a hook and brief synopsis.
Here is the fabulous letter he came up with.

“Somehow I gained ten pounds this month,” I sniffled.

My husband stared pointedly at my nightstand and the ever growing collection of pop cans, wrappers, and pizza crusts.

     This is not a weight loss book. If you bought this book because you wanted to learn the secret to losing seventy-five pounds in a year, then let me stop you right here. There’s no magic pill — just eat less and run more.
      In my quest to wish away the spare tire around my tummy, I accidentally changed my life. My name is Betsy Schow and I’m a stay-at-home mom of two, former fat person, and now, I’m a finisher.
  I really should have seen the pattern ages ago. Inside my house, you couldn’t go five feet without running smack dab into one of my grand plans. My house was a monument to all the businesses, crafts, hobbies, and self-help programs I’d started over the years. I was addicted to starting. But once that initial high faded — and things got hard or boring — I would quit and start something else to get my next fix.
     Like any addiction, the high I got from beginning another project got shorter and less intense. Along with businesses, hobbies, and self-help, I had tried and failed diets so many times it was nearly impossible to maintain that burning fever of purpose for more than a week. I thought I was tired. Tired of being fat, tired of being bored. I thought drastic measures were required.
   Today, I know I wasn’t just tired. I was unhappy. Yes, unhappy with the way I looked. But also the heaviness I felt was the weight of all the things I’d started but failed to finish hanging around my neck.

“Philosophy of Finishing” is the 50,000-word true story about what I learned on the way to losing seventy-five pounds, running a marathon, and climbing a mountain that changed my life, my marriage, and the way I raise my children.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Sincerely,

Betsy Schow

I added a few things to the last paragraph, but still I can’t thank him enough. I could not have asked for a better mentor teacher or friend than Caleb Warnock. If my book ever gets published I promise to include him on the acknowlement page and swell his head even more.

Now to spend a few hours emailing agents

When life gives you lemons, grab a Diet Coke

This last week just wasn’t my week. My inbox had turned into a ticking timebomb while I was waiting to hear word back from my instructor on the book. Somehow I had managed to pinch a nerve in my shoulder, and my fingertips wwouldn’t stop tingling. The hamstring I injured before the marathon was starting to ache on my 5 mile runs. My kidlet’s motors were running on high and their screams were still only slightly softer than the monologue of defeat I was reciting in my head.

Then my four year old flushed about half a roll of toilet paper. As I was mopping up the Niagra Falls of kommodes I gave some serious thought to the old phrase “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” The intention of the proverb is to do the best with what you have and normally I would be all about that. However, ankle deep in toilet water, there was no way I could make anything good out of this –pardon the pun– crap.

When I ran downstairs to throw the wet towels in the wash I heard a drip drip coming from the room directly beneath the bathroom. Apparently I wasn’t fast enough and water from upstairs had leaked through the floor, into the ceiling, and out through the light fixture. I was so mad that I knew if I saw either of my little ones right then, somebody was gonna start crying –probably me. So what did I do? Stewing over my rotten luck wasn’t doing a darned bit of good. My brain was just turning all my worries and concerns over and over. I needed to make a break to disrupt the negative thoughts and feelings. So I took my lemons and tossed em in the fridge for awhile, leaving only a little wedge to put in my Diet Coke. Then I put myself in TIME OUT.

I made sure the kids were safe and happy watching a DVD and locked myself in my room for 15 minutes with my Diet Coke– literally. And for those 15 minutes I did nothing but breathe and enjoy my tasty beverage. And then, when I was done, I walked back out and the lemons didn’t seem quite as tart as they were a little while ago. We give our kids time outs to correct naughty behavior. It gives them a chance to seperate themselves from the behavior that led them there. Well guess what? Sometimes adults need them too. When you are being destructive and abusive to yourself then go to time out. Take a break and put your problems in the fridge –they’ll keep. When you’re ready you can go get them and figure out the best way to make lemonade.

For me, that Diet Coke time out provided a much needed opportunity to gain some perspective. By taking myself out of the situation for a moment I was able to halt the ramping up of emotions. That more than anything is what was making me miserable. Not the events, but the dispair and upset I felt about them. Without the emotions I could look at each “lemon” logically. In the case of my manuscript, I would take whatever critique was given, fix it, and then send it back. But what was the point of worrying about it when I hadn’t even heard anything yet? Maybe he would love it and all my worrying would be for naught. I was squeezing the lemon before it hatched.. or something like that.

The shoulder and hamstring just needed some rest and ice to let the swelling go down. My fitness would not suffer too much from one missed weight session or a slower run. But if I injured them further because I didn’t rest it then the 2 months recovery time would put a definite cramp in my training.

As far as the toilet soggy drywall situation goes, I am handing that one off to my husband.

The Diet Coke Time Out is a technique I learned during this last year when my inner voice was yelling itself hoarse telling me I was going to gain weight back or never make it to the marathon. If I was up a half a pound one day my heart would start fluttering and I immediately went into panic mode. If I didn’t stop the freak out in it’s tracks then the rest of the day would be spent worrying and weighing. Then when my weight went up with anything I ate or drank (as it should) then I would escalate my spazzing and get even more upset. So I had to consciously choose to stop and interrupt the flow of negativity. Give myself that 15 minutes to empty my thoughts and emotions and start anew. If Diet Coke isn’t your thing, that’s alright. Make it work for you, just leave the cupcakes on the counter ok?