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      Today during a five mile run, I found myself thinking about responsibilty. More specifically that I needed to take more of it.  Let me back up a little bit.
       Last year, before my discovery of the Philosophy of Finishing, I was victim of life’s circumstances. I was a passanger in a busted up POS Pinto on the road of life. When a road hazard came up and popped a tire, I would bemoan my fate and say “It’s not fair. Why does this always happen to me?” I hated the fact that I had to buy all my clothes in the Big girl’s store, but hey what could I do? After all I was just born to be fat, look at my big oak of a family tree. Can’t argue with genetics. Did I take any responsibility for my plus sizedness? Hell no. I’m just big boned. Or my joints hurt too much to exercise. The list of excuses went on and on. Anything and everything I could use to overlook the fact that I was making poor choices.
       So one of the things I learned last year was that I was the driver of my own life. Since I am not the kind of girl to be a little cute convertible, I decided I would be an armored Jeep. Stuff might pop up and try to get in my way, but I was just going to barrel over it. Because just like on the real road, sometime accidents happen that I have no control over. They truly aren’t my fault, but what I choose afterwards is. Case in point: the whole Genetics issue. It is true, that nature has conspired against me with two type 2 diabetic parents, and a frame that my husband likes to call statuesque. But instead of whining endlessly like I had before that I would never be a Victoria’s Secret model, I needed to do the best I could with what I had. So that means more running and less treats, because if I want to stay out of the plus sized stores, that’s what I have to do. I also had to own up to the empty candy wrappers and pizza boxes instead of blaming it all on the kids and hubby.
 
      This was one of my big lightbulb moments from last year, but on this morning’s run I think the bulb must’ve burned out. About a mile and a half into my run, I found myself cursing all my firends that had given me holiday treats over the last two months. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be running in the sub freezing tempertures, trying to burn off those holiday five pounds my scale informed me of. Stupid people. Didn’t they know I was a recovering chocoholic? Would you bring a recovering alcoholic a bottle of wine for Christmas? No, of course not. Then why oh why did my best friend have to bring me a giant plate of fudge? Did she want me to get fat? My husband is diabetic and my kids are picky eaters, so that left the whole plate up to me to disperse of.  It’s a tough job, but somebody had to do it. And I did – for not only that, but the tub of carmelized popcorn my neighbor brought. And the cookies, and my mother in laws caramel candied sweet potatoes.
      It took another two miles before my brain thawed out enough to realize that I had just jumped back into the Pinto.  I was taking the approach that my holiday setback was everyone else’s fault for tempting me, instead of taking responsibility for bending into tempation. It’s not Misty’s fault she makes great rocky road fudge, I chose to eat it…and eat it some more.  It was time to climb back into my Jeep and face the problem head on. I had made bad choices, yes, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Five pounds is a whole lot easier to lose than seventy five. So I ran the next mile and a half with renewed purpose and silently apologized for writing all my friends out of my will.

      For me, taking responsibilty is not a matter of blame, but control. As a passanger, I had no control over my life. Living in constant worry, waiting for the other shoe to drop was not healthy for my mind or my indigestion. Bad things happened, and there was nothing I could do about it. But as a driver, I decide which way I am going to go. Sure it means that I have to take ownership for my “accidents” but it also means that I do not have to sit idly by waiting for a Mac Truck to sideswipe me. I don’t have to sit at at home and fear endlessly that I will get big again. I’m the boss of my body and I say that I won’t. I make the decisions everyday that ensure that I will continue down the road that I have chosen. Sometimes I might take holiday detours, but that’s okay. My internal GPS still knows where it’s going, and as long as I don’t stop and get back in the passanger’s seat, I know I’ll get there.

So Caleb has had my manuscript for a week now. But he still hasn’t read it.  I know he’s super SUPER busy.  He is after all the best selling author of “Forgotten Skills of Self Suffience Used by the Mormon Pioneers.
(you’re welcome for the plug) http://www.amazon.com/Forgotten-Skills-Self-Sufficiency-Mormon-Pioneers/dp/1599555107/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329530455&sr=8-1

But still I was hoping he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from staying up all night to read it. I have to remind myself that sometimes the wheels of life turn slowly. Whats a few extra days or weeks? It won’t change what I wrote.  But the suspense is freakin killing me!! Will he like it? Will he hate it? Will he unfriend me on facebook?

So no news yet, but here’s hoping he does like it. But what should I do with my time now that I am not frantically trying to write my manuscript. Maybe I should enter another marathon? Or start work on a fiction novel? To be honest, both sound equally insane to me right now.

            It’s been a few weeks huh? Well, I have been feverishly working on finishing the manuscript for “Philosophy of Finishing”. I am pleased to report that I am finished with the initial draft. 48000 words.  I didn’t realize I knew that many. I had the idea to write it on October 12th. And now, two and a half months later, I have a whole book. Without the things I learned this year, I never would have had the courage to try it, let alone push through and finish it.
            When my workshop instructor demanded that I had in my manuscript by the end of the year, I think I may have cried a little bit. How was I supposed to come up with 150 pages or more magically? Perhaps there are little elves that come in the night to write for me, and make fabulous shoes. But that experiment of leaving the laptop on for them was a bust, it was up to me. So I had to plan a way to get it done, that meant making sure I devoted the time required to finish my goal. For the last three weeks, other than walking endlessly around Disneyland on a family vacation, I haven’t exercised a lick. And the scale knows it too. But I’m not too worried. Four pounds are alot easier to take off than seventy-five.

   But seriously, as the year draws to a close, I can’t help but look back on the all the great times I had in 2011.

I met my goal weight and went slightly under. After all everyone needs those few cushion pounds right? After this Christmas, I am sure glad I had them. LOL

I ran my butt off and finished two half marathons and one full marathon.

I wrote a book! (Still a little shocked at this one)

I climbed Lone Peak without dying or shredding my pants on the way down.

Probably most importantly, I changed my attitude from that of a life long quitter to that of a finisher. And in doing so gained a positive outlook on my myself and in my life.

So what does the future hold? Pretty much anything I choose. If a couch potato like me, (who’s only skill was creating perfect butt indents in the recliner), can go from that to the list up above in a year, then all the doors are open.  I only have to choose which ones to walk through. Here’s a few things on my to-do list

Get my book published
Don’t care who or how. It might be a non-profit outfit like Amreican Fork Arts Council, or maybe Shadow Mountain of Cedar Fort publishers. As long as it gets out there, I don’t really care.

Run Utah Valley Marathon
Already registered. I’m convinced marathons are kinds like child birth. After some time had passed you forget the pain of labor and training.

Finish Fat quilt
Making a quilt out of squares cut from my old fat clothes.  It get cold now without all the extra insulation

Clean my house top to bottom.
It’s been hit by two tornadoes– my kids, Lily and Autumn. I’m pretty sure my kitchen is under there somewhere. Okay, so maybe I helped make the mess to.

For longer term I want to finish a four year degree in English, climb  the tallest peaks in every county in Utah, and perhaps most ambitiously — learn to cook.

So what’s on your agenda this year? Pick a goal- any goal, make a plan and get it done. As long as you keep moving forward you’ll get there eventually. Weight loss starts with one pound, a marathon starts with one mile, and a book starts with a single page.

Here’s to becoming anything we want.
Happy New Year!

There was a metronome like sound that has followed me everywhere for the last month.  It was the sound of the clock, ticking away the moments of 2011. The time I had to finish my manuscript.

I am proud to say that I am done. You heard me. I have officially written a book. Sure, my family might be the only people to ever read it. Point is I set out to do something and did it. How many people can say they’ve written a book? Well after this experience I will never mock another book again. No matter how bad.

Because this was alot of work. Blood sweat tear… insomnia. All that. 6  hours a day. For a week. Thank goodness my husband could watch the kids. It was a daunting task to be sure, trying to meet this deadline. I had to use all the tools in my toolbox from the lessons learned last year. Most importantly I guess I had to decide if I really wanted to finish it this year. When the answer was yes, then I had to make a plan to make sure I succeeded. But I had to tamp down the dreams of becoming a bestselling author.That’s not my goal… just to finish.

 Writing is a labor or love. Obviously I hope someone else wants to read it too, but that really doesn’t matter nearly as much as the accomplishment itself.

Now I am going to email to Caleb and sleep for a week. Happy New Year. I am sure I will sleep through it

Ugh. Sinus infections suck. Can’t. Form. Complete. Sentences.

How am I supposed to do a chapter a day when my brain is foggier than my glasses on a cold day?

Do want to take a minute to say something about the cost of magic. Disney costs a freakin arm and a leg. I literally have to close my eyes when I sign the credit card receipts. But what Disney has is a level of customer service that is unparalleled.

My daughter Lily is.. special. She has anxiety problems as well as sensory modulation disorder. It means she tends to go from 0 to 60 in the emotional spectrum. Sounds are often too loud for her, and she constantly needs touch and compression. We got the special pass from guest services that let us use her stroller like a wheelchair so in long lines she had her own little bubble kind of.

Everything went really well until on the very last ride of the trip she left her special souvenir on the tram — her stuffed dog Lady. She flipped out. I haven’t seen her that upset for months. I ran to Disneyland train station on Main street and tried to beat the train we had just departed in Tommorowland. The train had just pulled in.

I probably looked like a mad woman- running up and down the platform screaming “Has anyone seen a little dog? Is there a dog on the train?” When it wasn’t there I started bawling too. What was I going to do? The Train conductor pulled me back off the platform and got the scoop. He went to the office and wrote me a little coupon thing. It said “No strings attached”  It was a coupon that I could take to the store and get Lily a new Lady.

Of course that made me cry harder. It had been a trying four days managing two little ones among the Christmas crowds. Then add the extra considerations we take to help Lily and it was too much. I was also crying because I was touched. Disney is a company, they make money. That’s what they do. They didn’t have to do anything other than shrug their shoulders at me. But they personally wanted to make sure my daughter took the magic home with her.
 “Why?” I asked the conductor.
“Because Disneyland is the happiest place on earth.”

I would have gladly paid the 29.99 for the dog a hundred times over just to make my daughter smile. But there is no price I could have put on that little piece of magic when the clerk brought out “Lady” and Lily scolded the dog for getting lost.

So, alittle bit off topic, but something I had to share.

We are off to Disneyland for Christmas vacation. I have half of my manuscript done, but if I take the next 8 days off then there is no way I will be done in time.  I know it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I don’t finish this year, but I really want to.. How awesome would that be to cap off a stupendous year. Losing weight, running a marathon, climbing a mountain, front page article, and finishing a book.

So what to do on the 12 hour drive to Disney? Well write of course. Hopefully the kids can keep it down in the backseat while the watch Dora. The plan is to write as much as I can on the drive and then write a few hours every night. I definitely want to be productive, but not at the cost of the family fun. So wish me luck and say a little prayer to Tinkerbell that you believe in this fairy.

Here’s a little sample from the book I’m working on called the Philosphy of Finishing.
Enjoy!

This is a little mini post to recognize a couple of friends and family that are living the Philosophy of Finishing.

My workout buddy, Lori, started running a little while ago. She’s now gone from running in place to finishing 5 miles. Congratulations!  She’s working towards doing a half marathon with me this spring.

My mom is a craftohilic. She regularly volunteers to do big craft projects for all 4 of her children’s family. She usually gets about a 1/4 of the way done on each, then  it gets boxed up for another year.  This time, she decided to make really neat advent calendars for all of us. And she delivered this them just in thime to start the month long countdown to Christmas. Overcoming paper-eating printers missing supplies, and a neurotic dog that eats everything, she perservered to complete the task she promised to do.  Way to go.

  Everything is worth finishing, from household chores, to projects, to life long dreams. What is left unfinished unravels and leaves bit and pieces all over, disrupting my peace of mind because I can’t let it go.  Today I finished moving my girls into one bedroom together. What did you finish today?

This post may be a little late for you to do something about it this year, but give this a thought for next time you know you’re going to be eating a big meal.