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So Caleb has had my manuscript for a week now. But he still hasn’t read it.  I know he’s super SUPER busy.  He is after all the best selling author of “Forgotten Skills of Self Suffience Used by the Mormon Pioneers.
(you’re welcome for the plug) http://www.amazon.com/Forgotten-Skills-Self-Sufficiency-Mormon-Pioneers/dp/1599555107/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329530455&sr=8-1

But still I was hoping he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from staying up all night to read it. I have to remind myself that sometimes the wheels of life turn slowly. Whats a few extra days or weeks? It won’t change what I wrote.  But the suspense is freakin killing me!! Will he like it? Will he hate it? Will he unfriend me on facebook?

So no news yet, but here’s hoping he does like it. But what should I do with my time now that I am not frantically trying to write my manuscript. Maybe I should enter another marathon? Or start work on a fiction novel? To be honest, both sound equally insane to me right now.

            It’s been a few weeks huh? Well, I have been feverishly working on finishing the manuscript for “Philosophy of Finishing”. I am pleased to report that I am finished with the initial draft. 48000 words.  I didn’t realize I knew that many. I had the idea to write it on October 12th. And now, two and a half months later, I have a whole book. Without the things I learned this year, I never would have had the courage to try it, let alone push through and finish it.
            When my workshop instructor demanded that I had in my manuscript by the end of the year, I think I may have cried a little bit. How was I supposed to come up with 150 pages or more magically? Perhaps there are little elves that come in the night to write for me, and make fabulous shoes. But that experiment of leaving the laptop on for them was a bust, it was up to me. So I had to plan a way to get it done, that meant making sure I devoted the time required to finish my goal. For the last three weeks, other than walking endlessly around Disneyland on a family vacation, I haven’t exercised a lick. And the scale knows it too. But I’m not too worried. Four pounds are alot easier to take off than seventy-five.

   But seriously, as the year draws to a close, I can’t help but look back on the all the great times I had in 2011.

I met my goal weight and went slightly under. After all everyone needs those few cushion pounds right? After this Christmas, I am sure glad I had them. LOL

I ran my butt off and finished two half marathons and one full marathon.

I wrote a book! (Still a little shocked at this one)

I climbed Lone Peak without dying or shredding my pants on the way down.

Probably most importantly, I changed my attitude from that of a life long quitter to that of a finisher. And in doing so gained a positive outlook on my myself and in my life.

So what does the future hold? Pretty much anything I choose. If a couch potato like me, (who’s only skill was creating perfect butt indents in the recliner), can go from that to the list up above in a year, then all the doors are open.  I only have to choose which ones to walk through. Here’s a few things on my to-do list

Get my book published
Don’t care who or how. It might be a non-profit outfit like Amreican Fork Arts Council, or maybe Shadow Mountain of Cedar Fort publishers. As long as it gets out there, I don’t really care.

Run Utah Valley Marathon
Already registered. I’m convinced marathons are kinds like child birth. After some time had passed you forget the pain of labor and training.

Finish Fat quilt
Making a quilt out of squares cut from my old fat clothes.  It get cold now without all the extra insulation

Clean my house top to bottom.
It’s been hit by two tornadoes– my kids, Lily and Autumn. I’m pretty sure my kitchen is under there somewhere. Okay, so maybe I helped make the mess to.

For longer term I want to finish a four year degree in English, climb  the tallest peaks in every county in Utah, and perhaps most ambitiously — learn to cook.

So what’s on your agenda this year? Pick a goal- any goal, make a plan and get it done. As long as you keep moving forward you’ll get there eventually. Weight loss starts with one pound, a marathon starts with one mile, and a book starts with a single page.

Here’s to becoming anything we want.
Happy New Year!

There was a metronome like sound that has followed me everywhere for the last month.  It was the sound of the clock, ticking away the moments of 2011. The time I had to finish my manuscript.

I am proud to say that I am done. You heard me. I have officially written a book. Sure, my family might be the only people to ever read it. Point is I set out to do something and did it. How many people can say they’ve written a book? Well after this experience I will never mock another book again. No matter how bad.

Because this was alot of work. Blood sweat tear… insomnia. All that. 6  hours a day. For a week. Thank goodness my husband could watch the kids. It was a daunting task to be sure, trying to meet this deadline. I had to use all the tools in my toolbox from the lessons learned last year. Most importantly I guess I had to decide if I really wanted to finish it this year. When the answer was yes, then I had to make a plan to make sure I succeeded. But I had to tamp down the dreams of becoming a bestselling author.That’s not my goal… just to finish.

 Writing is a labor or love. Obviously I hope someone else wants to read it too, but that really doesn’t matter nearly as much as the accomplishment itself.

Now I am going to email to Caleb and sleep for a week. Happy New Year. I am sure I will sleep through it

Ugh. Sinus infections suck. Can’t. Form. Complete. Sentences.

How am I supposed to do a chapter a day when my brain is foggier than my glasses on a cold day?

Do want to take a minute to say something about the cost of magic. Disney costs a freakin arm and a leg. I literally have to close my eyes when I sign the credit card receipts. But what Disney has is a level of customer service that is unparalleled.

My daughter Lily is.. special. She has anxiety problems as well as sensory modulation disorder. It means she tends to go from 0 to 60 in the emotional spectrum. Sounds are often too loud for her, and she constantly needs touch and compression. We got the special pass from guest services that let us use her stroller like a wheelchair so in long lines she had her own little bubble kind of.

Everything went really well until on the very last ride of the trip she left her special souvenir on the tram — her stuffed dog Lady. She flipped out. I haven’t seen her that upset for months. I ran to Disneyland train station on Main street and tried to beat the train we had just departed in Tommorowland. The train had just pulled in.

I probably looked like a mad woman- running up and down the platform screaming “Has anyone seen a little dog? Is there a dog on the train?” When it wasn’t there I started bawling too. What was I going to do? The Train conductor pulled me back off the platform and got the scoop. He went to the office and wrote me a little coupon thing. It said “No strings attached”  It was a coupon that I could take to the store and get Lily a new Lady.

Of course that made me cry harder. It had been a trying four days managing two little ones among the Christmas crowds. Then add the extra considerations we take to help Lily and it was too much. I was also crying because I was touched. Disney is a company, they make money. That’s what they do. They didn’t have to do anything other than shrug their shoulders at me. But they personally wanted to make sure my daughter took the magic home with her.
 “Why?” I asked the conductor.
“Because Disneyland is the happiest place on earth.”

I would have gladly paid the 29.99 for the dog a hundred times over just to make my daughter smile. But there is no price I could have put on that little piece of magic when the clerk brought out “Lady” and Lily scolded the dog for getting lost.

So, alittle bit off topic, but something I had to share.

We are off to Disneyland for Christmas vacation. I have half of my manuscript done, but if I take the next 8 days off then there is no way I will be done in time.  I know it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I don’t finish this year, but I really want to.. How awesome would that be to cap off a stupendous year. Losing weight, running a marathon, climbing a mountain, front page article, and finishing a book.

So what to do on the 12 hour drive to Disney? Well write of course. Hopefully the kids can keep it down in the backseat while the watch Dora. The plan is to write as much as I can on the drive and then write a few hours every night. I definitely want to be productive, but not at the cost of the family fun. So wish me luck and say a little prayer to Tinkerbell that you believe in this fairy.

Here’s a little sample from the book I’m working on called the Philosphy of Finishing.
Enjoy!

This is a little mini post to recognize a couple of friends and family that are living the Philosophy of Finishing.

My workout buddy, Lori, started running a little while ago. She’s now gone from running in place to finishing 5 miles. Congratulations!  She’s working towards doing a half marathon with me this spring.

My mom is a craftohilic. She regularly volunteers to do big craft projects for all 4 of her children’s family. She usually gets about a 1/4 of the way done on each, then  it gets boxed up for another year.  This time, she decided to make really neat advent calendars for all of us. And she delivered this them just in thime to start the month long countdown to Christmas. Overcoming paper-eating printers missing supplies, and a neurotic dog that eats everything, she perservered to complete the task she promised to do.  Way to go.

  Everything is worth finishing, from household chores, to projects, to life long dreams. What is left unfinished unravels and leaves bit and pieces all over, disrupting my peace of mind because I can’t let it go.  Today I finished moving my girls into one bedroom together. What did you finish today?

This post may be a little late for you to do something about it this year, but give this a thought for next time you know you’re going to be eating a big meal.

          My phone’s alarm buzzed. 5:45 am. What nutjob set the alarm for the ungodly….oh yeah, that would be me.  This morning I am going to force myself to get out of bed and go to the 6:00 class Step and Pump at Newport Sports Club.  “A combination of barbells, free weights and aerobic step form a complete body workout”. It sounded a lot better last night when I had set the alarm, this morning it just sounds…bleh.  How easy would it be to turn off the alarm and stay under the warm covers? No one would know, no one would care and I would get an extra hour’s sleep that I really think I deserved. But alas, I would know. I had committed to go and by golly I was strong enough to drag my butt out of this cozy bed… in 5 more minutes.
           
           Braving the freezing temperatures, I got in my car and drove the 1 1/2 miles to the gym. Aside from the instructor, Becky, I was the first one to arrive.  Apparently everyone else has trouble getting up this early too.  The other ladies straggled in a few minutes after the class had started. Some of them I recognized from other fitness classes and some of them professed to be new at this whole exercise thing. Been there, done that.

        We started with a brief warmup to get blood flowing and muscles loose. Ok, I could do this, nothing too hard. Then Becky decided that we must not need our legs today, because she went into a never ending torturous squat and lunge set on the right side. I hate squats  The only thing I hate more than squats are lunges.  3 hours passed, ok so maybe not.  But it honestly felt like it.  My right leg was cooking from inside.  They aren’t joking when they say “Feel the burn”.  I really REALLY did not want to do the rest of this set, let alone the left side.  What were my options? Like all fitness classes there are modifications you can do if a move is too difficult.  I could lower the weight. I saw one or two ladies switching from 20 lbs down to 15. I could take a rest and march in place. Or I could go home. But did I really need to?  I had to take an honest look at my body and how I was feeling. Was I injured? No, just sore. Was I having trouble breathing? No more than anyone else during exercise. So why did I want to quit? Because it was hard, that’s why. It felt uncomfortable and I just didn’t want to do it.  I wanted to leave early and go back to bed.  That wasn’t a good enough reason to quit anymore.  If I left I would be saying that not only do I hate squats, but that I didn’t believe I could finish the hour long class. That I wasn’t strong enough. No way. I had hiked for 11 hours on Lone Peak, so I knew I could do 1 measly little hour.

          With the decision to finish made, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.  And not just because  we had put the barbell down. I knew with a certainty that I would find a way to fight through and finish this class, even if I had to go a little slower than everyone else. I was feeling pretty darned proud of myself as I picked up the weights for the next set when in the mirror I caught a flash of movement.  It was one of the newbies, packing up her step and putting away her weights. I don’t know if it was exhaustion or pure emotion, but she looked utterly dejected.  I’m sure she had planned on slipping out of class without calling attention to herself. The instructor had other plans.
            “Hey where are you going? It’s too early to have someplace else to be” Becky joked into the sound system headset mic.
            “This is just way too hard for me.”
            “That’s okay, just go a little slower, take a break and then try again.” Becky encouraged.
            “No, I think I just need to work up to this on my own for awhile before I come back.”
       
           I think everyone in the room knew she would not be back. Becky protested again but the woman just raised a hand and walked out of the classroom, out of the gym, got in her car, and drove away.  I wanted to run after her and shake her. To tell her all about how important it was to finish what you start. To tell her what I’d learned, what I tell myself everyday, You don’t have to be perfect, you don’t even have to do it well at first, just finish. Because when you quit something you are saying “I’m not good enough”. But when you finish you build a sense of accomplishment and trust in yourself that you can hold on to when things get hard.

          But I didn’t say any of those things. I finished my workout and went home and wrote this post because I could not get that woman out of my head. She probably went home and beat herself up about how she wasn’t good enough. Then she probably started beating herself up about all the things that she isn’t good enough, smart enough, or thin enough for.

        How arrogant of me to suppose what she is thinking, right? Maybe. I only venture a guess because I was her.  For years and years I would get stuck in that cycle of quitting and shame spirals and ice cream binge eating.  That’s why I write this blog, why I have a goal to write a book. Why I face the wrath of Caleb Warnock at American Fork Art Council Writing Workshop every week. Because I know what it’s like to pray that God has an exchange policy. To wish you could send yourself in for warranty work and come back better, thinner, smarter, stronger. To look in the mirror and hate what you see, not only on the outside, but everything about you.
       
         But I don’t anymore, well most of the time. And so I’m trying to figure out a way to help others find their way back to the mirror without cringing. Hopefully I can find a way to do that without sounding like Tony  Robbins or a new Church member on a mission to convert the world, lost in their zealousy. So I write one blog, one page, one story at a time. It’s hard, and sometimes I want to quit. I tell myself that nobody gives a hoot about what I’ve done, that nobody would want to read anything I write. Then I say, shhhh. It doesn’t matter. I can only control what I put out into the world and make it my best. Makes no difference whether it’s New York Times bestseller material, or something only my family will ever read. Only thing that matters is that I finish.

So in class today I got a rousing round of applause for the article in the paper. I also got a round of applause for a short essay Caleb had me write. It was like the 5 minute version of what I wanted my book to be. He thinks I might just have a book after all. Next week’s assignment is to bring in a revised outline without all the self help crap. Just stories about the things I learned.

Now for chapter one.  How this for a title You’ll know you’ve hit the bottom when you hear the Thud