body image – Betsy Schow

How Do You Tell a Loved One They’re Fat?

YOU DON’T!

poking the stomach fat

If they are truly overweight, I guarantee you they already know.

Parents, if your kids are overweight, don’t sit them down and tell them so. I had that done to me and it scarred me for life. You are the parent, lead by example. Make healthy changes without making it a body image issue. If your kid comes to you with a concern, then you can address it. Lovingly and without judgement. You can give them ideas to improve their lifestyle, not how to fit into smaller jeans.

Spouses… beware. Trust is a delicate issue. Never tell them unsolicited that they have a weight problem. Don’t lie if asked either. Once again, subtly lead by example and work together to have a healthier lifestyle. I promise that you will create a world of issues about rejection if you start hinting about your partner’s pudge.

Friends… Oh boy. Depending on your relationship, you might have more latitude. I only offer advice if asked. But I will full on tell you if those jeans make your butt look big. But only if you ask me. Or if it would be a crime against humanity to let my bud go outside and be seen in public.

In case you didn’t catch the common theme, don’t point out other people’s flaws unasked. Work on your own. If you are asked, offer support and honesty. Find solutions, not problems.

free image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Full Body: Get Over It

This last week I went to REI for a new pair of pants to hike in. I tried on a pair. It fit perfectly around the waist. Not so much around the thighs. Yikes.
I’m long waisted, so my sides dart in a good bit. That part’s nice. But I have tree trunk legs. They drive me nuts when I try stuff on.

I complained to my husband who promptly said, “Get over it.” He then told me that I looked great and so what if THOSE pants wouldn’t fit right.

Upon further reflection, I think we often take a very micro look at our flaws or instances where one article of clothing or one photo doesn’t look right. So what? Is that the whole of our image? That one photo? That one body part?

So I will keep trying to “Get over it” and focus on the whole presentation. I suggest you do the same.

Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Full Body: Serenity Prayer for Weight Loss

I truly believe that the Serenity Prayer, used in AA and other support groups, fits perfectly for people with body issues.

Here’s my version of the Serenity Prayer for weight loss.
“God grant me the strength to stick to a healthy lifestyle. Give me the will to persevere and change the things I can and accept the things that I can’t. And the wisdom to tell the difference.”

I can change my body into a healthy, fuel efficient machine. It can be smaller and sleeker and stronger. But no matter what I do, I can not be in my 20s again. I cannot change my body type into one of those slight elf like creatures. I can’t get any taller. And my face will always have chubby cheeks.

So why spend precious time and energy bemoaning the aspects that I cannot change. Next time you get discouraged, think of this post and say my Serenity Prayer. Save your energy for the stuff you actually can change and let God bless us with the acceptance to love ourselves as we are.

Weekly weigh in 152.2 -1.8 lbs

Chubby Wubby

I’m a wee bit concerned. My 5 year old is running around calling her sister chubby wubby. In a very cute and nice way of course. But still, I worry. Where is this coming from? TV? Or worse, my own preoccupation with fat?

I’m hoping it’s not the latter. I have tried hard not to bemoan my own “chubby wubby” rolls in the company of small kids. But this plays to my bigger fear, of having weight obsessed kids. It made my life miserable from about 12 yr old on. I don’t want that for my children. I want fit, healthy, happy kidlets- no matter the size or shape

I was about to sit down and have the chat about fat with the 5 yr old when I heard it. The gummy bear song on her iPod. The lyrics of which are “chubby wubby funny looking gummy bear”. Aha! The culprit was found

In an effort to avoid giving the kids my issues, I very nearly introduced it to her unnecessarily. Apparently one can be a bit too over vigilant. In the future I will just try to be easy breezy about it as I can.

Mirror Image

I decided to hijack my own blog. I’m taking over Dress for Success. Why? Because it’s my blog and I can do what I want.

Really though, its because sometimes I want to share more of me and less of the how to. Sometimes I just want to have an honest discussion about something. And today’s discussion would be what I see when I stand in front of the mirror.

I see lumps and bumps and flaps of skin. Sags here, old stretch marks there. I see flaws that can be tucked, squished, or camouflaged by a well made pair of jeans. I’m absolutely positive that if anyone saw me in the buff, they would run screaming.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall, who’s the fairest of them all? I can say unequivocally that I have never once thought it was me. Not when I was fat, not now that I’m un-fat.

In the rational part of my head I know that I’m ok being exactly who I am. But the emotional part of my head feels differently. I’ve lost 75 pounds. My pant size has shrunk from 16/18 to 4/6. The evidence all points to the fact that I should be happy and ecstatic with how I look. And maybe half the time I am. But the other half, including in front of the mirror, I still wish I was different. There will always be something that can be smaller, tighter, and um… higher.

The problem is absolutely not with my body, it’s in my brain. And even though I have made great strides in my life, it takes a long time to overcome 30 years of bad self-imagery. I always had a number in my head. And if only I could reach that number on the scale, then I would be happy. Pretty.

In case you haven’t guessed, there is no magic number. How often have we heard celebrity stories of plastic surgery gone awry? They had something nipped or sculpted, hoping to feel better, but they are still the same person underneath. If we feel unworthy, it has a lot less to do with the outside, than what we are feeling on the inside. Even supermodels look in the mirror and cringe.

I don’t have the answer. I just wanted to share, because this is something that I still struggle with. And you know what, it’s ok to struggle. The word indicates a fight. I’m fighting to feel better about my body and myself as a person. It’s not a fight I’m going to win in the gym by toning up to 2% body fat. It will be a battle of wills to retrain the way I think about beauty and worth.

Today it starts with looking in the mirror and finding one thing I absolutely love. It’s my collarbone. I’m not going to let my eyes or thoughts wander any further down.

Baby steps. It’s a process.